justjoslyn

(this picture is very tiny.)

We have resorted to taking pictures with our camera phones since the flash on our digital camera is still out of commission. Who knows when we’ll get it fixed, but I’m missing out on taking really good pictures after hours. Plus, because it was so dark in the restaurant, this picture only looks good when it is really really tiny. Sorry.

This is Noah, my friend Carrie’s son. He and I are birthday buddies, and he’ll be two this year on March 18. I like to brag that if Noah would have been a girl (and still born on my birthday, as his parents weren’t quite sure if he was going to be a St. Patty’s day baby), his middle name would have been Joslyn.

I am convinced that Noah is only as serene as depicted in this photo as he watches one of the slew of Elmo videos available nowadays to those we call our future. Personally, I find Elmo’s voice extremely irritating, but if he can keep a kid like Noah calm, then I would proudly hold the title as “The Exclusive Keeper of All Movies Elmo” and charge people to rent them from my collection. In fact, I would have no shame displaying the movies right next to Brad’s Lord of the Rings series and Adam Sandler movies. Should we, as a country, be a little disturbed that a child’s first word up there with “Mama” and “Dada” is some variation of “Elmo?”

Last Thursday I was privileged to spend quality time with Noah and his mom, and my friend Amanda and her little girl, Litty. Amanda prepared a delightful meal consisting of enchiladas, topped off later by a body-warming dessert of hot fudge pudding. Despite how much I enjoyed being waited on during the meal, this was most definitely not the highlight of the evening. Little did I know that the culmination of the evening spent with my friends and their children would include being a witness to what I would call the “World’s Youngest Daredevil Act.” I mean, Noah’s parents should really consider taking this act on the road. Noah had managed to utilize the empty crate sitting in the living room that once held the toddler toys that were spewed all over the floor, by using it as a platform for his death-defying talent. I sat in curious wonder as I watched this little boy stand on top of the crate, focus oh-so carefully on his target (aka – his mother sitting on the floor beside him, unbeknownst to his actions) and then, with little forewarning – catapult himself onto his mother’s lap! The giggles that emerged from this tiny boy were blended with glee at completing the stunt, and mischief as he contemplated his next, and increasingly more life threatening, act. Before long, the boy was dropping himself to the floor with little regard for the possible injury he could incur to himself. After one of his death defying stunts, my friends and I (and Litty, too) waited in silence, expecting to see the miniature stunt man peel himself off the floor, removing embedded toddler toys from his body, and start crying in pain. Not Noah. He simply got up off the floor, laughed at himself, reveling in the applause received by those in his audience.

A toast to Carrie – may your son continue to provide you entertainment and joy, and may he remain in the care of God’s grace and protected by angel’s wings, because really, I think that’s the only way it’s going to happen.

Unlike the majority of the world come every New Year, I am choosing not to make any resolutions. Instead, I have cleverly constructed the concept of a 2006 “To Do” List for myself. This way, I am setting the bar low and do not associate any guilt with having not completed a given task; I will merely carry it over to next year. Resolutions are a little too strict, and if I set goals for myself and don’t reach them, I will be my own worst enemy with feelings of guilt, shame, and abandonment (that’s a little harsh, but you know, it’s all about drama).

I also refuse to conform to the ideology that losing weight should be on said “To-Do” list. In fact, I have again spun words so that I don’t have to actually say to anyone face-to-face that I am “trying to lose weight” when in fact, I am “trying to get healthy.” It really does suck when I get out of breath from climbing one measly set of stairs, or that I can’t seem to get out of bed at a decent time considering I am a 27-year old young professional woman, or that I am tired by the time I get home from work at only 5:30pm. Those are not reason alone for me to take control of my lifestyle……someday, in a couple of years, I’d like to try and conceive a child, and I really don’t want to be one of those women where people have to stop and ask themselves – “is that woman pregnant? Or just really fat?”

Another good reason – my 10 year high school reunion is scheduled for September 30, 2006. I have been chubby my entire life, and even though at my heaviest weight I find myself the most self-confident, what a great feeling it would be to walk into that reunion knowing that I looked good on the arm of my husband, Hot Brad). I also want to make him proud of me – for taking back control of my life and being the independent and secure woman he fell in love with. Doing this is not just going to help me get into better physical shape. I want this for my emotional, mental, and spiritual well being, too. I have learned through the few years of working in the social services field that when someone is going through the recovery process from an addiction, the first thing they are taught is that they are in treatment for themselves, not anyone else. And that is my utmost reason for putting “get healthy” as #1 on my 2006 “to Do” List.

Here is the catch – for me. I am publishing horrific photos on this site of my current physical state, with ALL of my current measurements. What a scary thing for a woman to do! Broadcasting one’s weight and measurements is probably the last thing any sane woman would want to have happen unless it meant she no longer had to sit beside her husband as he watched recorded episodes of “This Old House’ or “Ask This Old House.” However, I am doing this – weight, BMI, and all! In fact, this Friday I am having a “BodyAge” assessment done which will tell me how old my body really thinks it is, and I will publish that, as well. I will, however, not go into detail regarding my exercise regime or diet as I would really like for people to want to read this and not have them fired for falling asleep at their desk while they try to help me calculate my caloric intake on any given day. I will update my measurements (and photos, too, woo hoo!) as progress is made as a means of being accountable to myself.

As far as measuring my progress emotionally, Brad will be in charge of that, and we all know how likes me to be happy. In fact, just the other day, we were on our way to pick up my prescription from Walgreen’s, when I said to Brad, “you know, we really don’t even have the money in our account for this medicine. I could just not take it.” Brad started shaking his head vehemently, as if to convey to me that he would rather be stuck in a crowded elevator with a bunch of flatulent 7th grade boys with Reba McEntire and Michael McDonald slow-jams pumped through the speakers than to have me go without my Zoloft. So, maybe he’ll have to publish an update on my emotional healthiness.

As for increasing my spiritual health, maybe I can do my quiet time on the treadmill. Or, I could pray while on the cross-trainer (formerly known as, the elliptical machine).

With all that being said, here are the photos and the current measurements as of January 2006:

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3645/1797/1600/1.05.06.0.jpg

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3645/1797/1600/1.05.06%20profile.0.jpg

Chest: 50”
Waist: 45”
Hips: 48”
Weight: 200 lbs.

Photo credit: My wonderful, endearing, committed husband who is not the tad bit disturbed by taking unflattering pictures of his wife with the gentle glow of a shop light in lieu of a functioning camera flash enhancing my flab.

Dislcaimer: the decision I have made to get my physical life back in order is in no way condoning unnatural, unhealthy forms of weight loss often encouraged by the desire to be thin. Therefore, I am not making my focus to lose weight, but to be healthy. There is a big difference in being thin and healthy. I am very comfortable in my own skin, however, am not complacent with the way I feel physically.

I remember going out to eat with Shannon, one of my best friends who now lives in Knoxville, working on her Master’s degree at the University of Tennessee, and always having a hard time splitting the bill. It never seemed like I got it right, and either wanted to jip one of my friends, or not leave enough tip, or over tip a server who could have still been in high school and not yet taken the course where you learn to respect your elders or that “the customer comes first.”

This picture brought to light what the same scenario might be like in 50 years. Me and Shannon, having finished a nice meal at a local eatery, HER TRYING TO SHOW ME HOW TO ADD TAX AND TIP TO MY TOTAL so that she didn’t get stuck paying for my martini (or chocolate shake, for that matter) because, even 50 years later, she is still a broke college student.

We have no money. In fact, I am scared to check our bank account today as I apparently enjoy the anxious feeling of not actually knowing that we are negative and racking up non-sufficient funds charges as I type.

So, what am I doing? Window shopping… well, more like window e-shopping. I really do know why retailers are nervous about the growing popularity of e-commerce, as I can attest to the attractiveness of shopping from the comfort of your own home (or, in all honesty, one’s desk).

Not that I am going to buy the following items, but I though I would at least share with you what is so important that I write about it.
http://www.anthropologie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=4765&itemType=PRODUCT&iSubCat=454&iMainCat=381

I just think these are super cute and then when you have guests over, you don’t have to tell them over and over again where to find something you have graciously asked them to help you with, or your husband can’t accuse you of moving things around in the kitchen, because he will always know where they are!

http://www.anthropologie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=4783&itemType=PRODUCT&crosssell=1

Who can’t use more bowls? Especially when you are lovers of all foods in need of a bowl to serve them with (or when your husband doesn’t wash out the dirty dishes often enough and you are in desperate need of a bowl for your mocha almond fudge ice cream before the CSI commercial break is over). Brad and I are trying to stay away from a strict color theme in our non-existent kitchen, and I just think these would be a really nice addition.

However random this post is, I felt like I needed to write. Am I procrastinating from reliving my episodes with degenerate, poor-excuses for parent clients in the form of casenotes? Probably, yes. Am I trying to find escape from the reality that Brad and I are unable to properly budget our finances? Um, definitely yes. Do I enjoy doing this as an outlet to daydream about one day having a house for which I can actually use these cute, quaint (perhaps useless) items? Mmm… heck yeah.

I walked into the bathroom last night, turned on the light, and was scared by my own cat laying in the sink. I mean, I actually hollered for Brad as if I had seen a smaller, (a lot less cute, for that matter) rodent scurring across the floor. The scariest thing about the episode is that I was actually proud of my little kitten – much like a parent is when their child learns a new behavior. What is even scarier than anything mentioned above is that I just admitted I think about my cat like a child. Should I be scared for myself and my yet to even be thought about unborn child? I suppose Brad should be the scardiest cat of all in this scenario…